Smoochies and a goodbye this morning and then I stayed in bed and had a lovely orgasm while he was leaving. I took a shower and headed off to the cafe for some eggs and I took Stephen Fry with me. He's so addictive.
The past couple of days I have been craving M's dominance. It's not that he doesn't exert it every day, just that some days, life gets in the way and it can be easy to forget that first and foremost, I am his slave. His girl. His subbie. And he, being my master, has a special role to fulfil. Things can sometimes get confusing if I am only focussing on being his girlfriend or his lover. But we had decided early on that we are who we are and things should be permitted to take on their own form and in their own time.
My general belief was always that my purpose was to please my master, which happily coincided with my sexual desires. Not that submission for me is about sex. In fact, it never has been. Perhaps I'm not being clear... Once I realised that I was not interested in kinky sex, I began to explore what I did want. The want showed itself to be a need in some ways also. I needed to be with someone who understood that I am a slave. My mind set is such. My desire to please my partner far outweighs any other desire I may have.
I want to give myself entirely to another person. I want to make him happy in whatever way would please him. And I guess that I am still doing those things. Cleaning and tidying up ties into that. I think to myself, What would M want?, and I act accordingly. I tend not to initiate sex because for the most part, it means very little to me. If he chooses to use me by rubbing up against me, if he chooses to remove my panties, if he chooses to have me stay in bed whilst he does other things, if he chooses to whip me - These things aren't necessarily sexual but they are ways that he chooses to express his dominance.
I feel as though I have little purpose at the moment. This week has been a lazy week. I've tried to get myself moving and do productive things. I've cleaned, I've shopped, I've helped with the cooking (though I have zero amounts of skill), I've taken puppy out, I've read a lot. I guess I'm used to doing mummy things also.
If I am ill-content it is because I see in myself a lack of purpose right now, not because of anything anyone else is neglecting to do or say. Perhaps I am projecting again...
My general belief was always that my purpose was to please my master, which happily coincided with my sexual desires. Not that submission for me is about sex. In fact, it never has been. Perhaps I'm not being clear... Once I realised that I was not interested in kinky sex, I began to explore what I did want. The want showed itself to be a need in some ways also. I needed to be with someone who understood that I am a slave. My mind set is such. My desire to please my partner far outweighs any other desire I may have.
I want to give myself entirely to another person. I want to make him happy in whatever way would please him. And I guess that I am still doing those things. Cleaning and tidying up ties into that. I think to myself, What would M want?, and I act accordingly. I tend not to initiate sex because for the most part, it means very little to me. If he chooses to use me by rubbing up against me, if he chooses to remove my panties, if he chooses to have me stay in bed whilst he does other things, if he chooses to whip me - These things aren't necessarily sexual but they are ways that he chooses to express his dominance.
I feel as though I have little purpose at the moment. This week has been a lazy week. I've tried to get myself moving and do productive things. I've cleaned, I've shopped, I've helped with the cooking (though I have zero amounts of skill), I've taken puppy out, I've read a lot. I guess I'm used to doing mummy things also.
If I am ill-content it is because I see in myself a lack of purpose right now, not because of anything anyone else is neglecting to do or say. Perhaps I am projecting again...
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